Just In Time for International Women’s Day, Special Gifts “For HER” That She Actually Wants
Not pink things designed by women for women.
ShowHER Head — With the flip of a switch this special shower head transforms the bathroom into a soundproof oasis where she can’t hear her partner or kids ask stupid questions like where the milk is, which, if they switched on their brains, they could answer themselves.
ComputHER — Installs updates automatically, remembers all of her passwords, and is not an Apple, thereby giving her the lifelong gift of never having to set foot in an Apple store and be mansplained by a “genius” in a t-shirt again.
SweatHER — 200% sloth cashmere that’s wrinkle-proof, pet-proof and cleans itself.
AmplifiHER — Disguised as a beautiful necklace, this little device amplifies her voice to be louder and more powerful so she can be heard in a boardroom full of men, or on a stage as the only female member of her improv team.
Coffee MakHER — This machine whips up her perfect cup of coffee every morning — light on the froth, heavy on the whiskey. Her drink stays hot until she’s has two minutes of peace, usually right after those kids who found the milk leave for school.
FlowHERs — Rare purple orchids from Singapore that she must feed Pop-Tarts every twenty minutes. Kidding! It’s an envelope of cash.
SneakHERs — These fly kicks are ideal to wear on city streets because the toes shoot lasers into the crotch of any man who tells her to smile.
HERphones — Perfect for meetings! These noise-cancelling headphones let her speak on her area of expertise without hearing interruptions from men. Also convenient for home to block out her partner’s stupid follow-up questions like how he can eat his cereal if they’re out of milk.
ChedHER — Her own personal block of sharp Irish cheddar cheese. If anyone else tries to take a bite they turn into a lactose intolerant ghost.
BeHER — Whichever beer she likes because women like beer too.
VibratHER — A friendly reminder.
Legitimate PowHER — In beta testing until November 2020.
