Difficulty level: 6.75/10
# of Players: 1 adult inside the room, 2 outside
Your secret mission is to take a complete shit without being disturbed. The door lock is broken and you must fend off your two-and-a-half-year-old who demands to see “Mommy’s monster poopie,” and your husband who insists he needs his floss for a chia seed incisor emergency. You have 52 seconds before your bowels become a family affair.
Difficulty level: 3/10
# of Players: 1 in the office, 3–5 on Zoom, 1 toddler sticking her hands underneath the door like the alien from the movie Signs
The author of the letter was Karen Otto, Mr. Kinzinger’s cousin, who paid $7 to send it by certified mail to Mr. Kinzinger’s father — to make sure the congressman would see it, which he did. She also sent copies to Republicans across Illinois, including other members of the state’s congressional delegation. — New York Times, 2/15/21.
Dear Ms. Otto,
General B. Eelzebub, Commander-in-Chief of the Devil’s Army here. It’s my duty to set the record straight: your cousin Representative Kinzinger is not in cahoots with our organization. But you, Karen, are exactly the kind of hell-raiser we need!
By Lisa Pertoso of 100 First Dates
1. “Don’t stick your finger in that hole.”
2. “It’s okay to cry.”
3. “Wash your hands. I don’t know where they’ve been.”
4. “Cold pepperoni pizza is not a real dinner.”
5. “Put on some pants so we can leave for your friend’s birthday party.”
6. “Are those your pants with the brown stain on the butt that smell like wet cat hair, swamp, and Pop Tarts?”
7. “I’m picking out your pants.”
8. “Just because you coughed twice today doesn’t mean you’re sick.”
9. “It’s not fun to eat with someone…
ShowHER Head — With the flip of a switch this special shower head transforms the bathroom into a soundproof oasis where she can’t hear her partner or kids ask stupid questions like where the milk is, which, if they switched on their brains, they could answer themselves.
ComputHER — Installs updates automatically, remembers all of her passwords, and is not an Apple, thereby giving her the lifelong gift of never having to set foot in an Apple store and be mansplained by a “genius” in a t-shirt again.
SweatHER — 200% sloth cashmere that’s wrinkle-proof, pet-proof and cleans itself.
I respect you 100 percent as you travel on the subway to your paycheck maker in your final gestation month. You’re an independent career woman not turning on your Out of Office message until you feel your baby crowning under your desk. Females like you don’t even need a man to produce a baby, just Oprah, some maple syrup, and a light saber.
I’m confident you don’t need my seat on this hot, overcrowded 8:45 am train.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to engage you in a creepy little eye dance or touch your upper arm, shoulder, or other non-sexual…
What sane person wouldn’t be able to find real love long before reaching 100 dates? Uh…me.
The old me thought dating was a means to an end — a necessary-but-temporary state that we all must endure until we meet someone awesome who thinks we’re as awesome as we find him. We agree to be a couple and hold hands, get married, pop out a kid, and live happily ever after.
I was on that path with my boyfriend of three years. Sure, our relationship had its ups and downs like all normal couples, but we were in love and planning…
Here are some things I learned that you can apply to life off-stage:
Your body knows.
Ever take a step forward and then back or raise your hand half way to say something then self-censor and stay quiet? Similar to ‘going with your gut’ your body often knows better than your brain. Try to trust your body and to move with it. Step with confidence, raise your hand high and switch your brain to off mode. This means to stop over-analyzing your words or actions, and to stop worrying about how you will be perceived.
Resist the urge to argue.